You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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