No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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