I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
