I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
