Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
