Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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