Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
