If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
