Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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