hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
