i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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