spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
