how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
