oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
