I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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