So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
