He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
