I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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