The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
