At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
