I wish my penis had an off switch
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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