i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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