perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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