if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
