Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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