I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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