I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
