well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
