dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
