Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
