we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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