you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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