i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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