3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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