How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
