He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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