If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I looked at my own cervix.
No subtext here. People are naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
