tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
