The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
