first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
