you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
