just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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