you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
