Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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