Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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