Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
