too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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