My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
