Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
