have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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