I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
