she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My life is pants optional.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
