Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
