I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
