How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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