I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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