it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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