Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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