I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
