and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
