I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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