i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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