she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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