Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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