I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
