Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
