i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
