I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
