i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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