The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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