2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
