it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
