My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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