OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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