i think my tv is drunk
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
