You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
