dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
