I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
