Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
