Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
