I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
